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I am really struggling with procrastination right now. I realize that everything I struggle with is ultimately a spiritual matter if it features elements contrary to God’s will, no matter where it starts and how it looks . I started a study on “self-control” from the Bible that really encouraged me and turned on light bulbs: (1) Procrastination is not God’s will for me; it is evidence of low self-discipline and lack of temperance (fruit of the Holy Spirit and characteristics of a ‘spiritual’ believer); and procrastination can dangerously lead to unfruitfulness (2) Procrastination can be conquered; I don’t have to be ruled by anything because of what God has done for me in Christ - a new nature, and the indwelling Holy Spirit, and the living and active Word of God!
I thought I had ‘gotten’ it after those bible study notes, but after a couple days of doing well with my time management, I went askew again. The sting of failure, at what should be so basic, is even worse than if it were something more serious. People struggle with addictions to blatantly harmful things…here I am, not keeping my study-work-leisure time in balance. I truly feel I have some new insight, somehow, into what the no-longer-willing addict goes through. We are really at the same place, needing to walk in freedom and fruitfulness. The weight in the scales is different, the consequences are not equivalent, but there is some similarity in lack of self-control there.
I used to be very, very organized - to the point of rigidity. In my teens I had a self-made study schedule that even allotted a specific time slot for when I would eat, shower, brush my teeth etcetera. It worked for me back then. (Of course, back then I was not distracted by internet, social media, ebooks, smart phones and the plethora of online activities I now find myself caught up in). Today it seems I am a whole other person.
What I’ve realized is that while procrastination is easy to joke about, it really isn’t a laughing matter. I can’t enjoy a lot of good things simply because the time spent procrastinating and dilly-dallying on one or two diversions, when necessary tasks abound, leads to a landslide of panicked and late night work. If I had followed a list of priorities, I would accomplish more - necessary tasks, with time for some diversions; I would feel better and sleep better; I would be practicing and growing in self-discipline and temperance - fruits of the Spirit. I would probably even have more time to be flexible in a healthy way. After all, when I’m trying to get a project done in the eleventh hour, I’m not flexible in the least bit and calamity would occur were certain unforeseen events to take place.
I am not going to give up on me though. And if you’re reading this, feel free to keep me accountable. Pop in and every now and then at any of my social media places and ask me if I accomplished anything on my list of priorities today. I will only be better for it!
I have been perusing Christian Classics at ccel.org. I came across a wonderful volume called, ‘Touching Incidents and Remarkable Answers to Prayer’ compiled and published by S.B. Shaw in 1893. In it, Shaw included the following true story as told by D. L. Moody (1837-1899). I thought this account was remarkable and scary all at once, and I believe there’s an important lesson here that you really need to read yourself.
(For those of you who follow both of my blogs, please bear with the post duplication in this instance. There are a few things I’ll post that I may consider important enough to have both categories of subscribers read, although I do intend this particular blog to be of a more random and personal nature.)
A Man Who Lacked Moral Courage
A few years ago I went to close a meeting, and said: “Are there any here who would like to have me remember them in prayer? I would like to have them rise!“ And there was a man rose, and when I saw him stand up, my heart leaped in me with joy. I had been anxious for him a long time. I went to him as soon as the meeting was over, and took him by the hand, and said: “You are coming out for God, are you not?” He said: “ I want to, and have made up my mind to be a Christian; only there is one thing standing in my way.” “What is that?” I asked. “Well,” he replied, “I lack moral courage.” Naming a friend of his, he added: “ If he had been here tonight I should not have risen; I am afraid when he hears I have risen for prayer he will begin to laugh at me, and I won’t have moral courage to stand up for Christ.” I said: “If Christ is what he is rep-resented in the Bible, he is worth standing up for; and if heaven is what we are told it is in the Bible, it is worth living for.” “I lack moral courage,” he answered; and the man was trembling from head to foot. I thought he was just at the very threshold of heaven, and that one step more was going to take him in, and that he world take the step that night. I talked and prayed with him, and the Spirit seemed to be striving mightily with him; but he did not get the light. Night after night he came, and the Spirit strove with him; but just one thing kept him back - he lacked moral courage. At last the Spirit of God—which had striven so mightily with him, seemed to leave him, and there were no more strivings, he left off coming to church, was off among his old companions, and would not meet me in the street; he was ashamed to do so. About six months afterward I got a message from him, and found him on what he thought was his dying bed, he wanted to know if there was hope for him at the eleventh hour. I tried to tell that there was hope for any man that would accept Christ. I prayed for him, and day after day I visited him.
Contrary to all expectations, he began to recover; and when he was convalescent, finding him one day sitting in front of his house, I sat by his side, and said: “You will soon be well enough to come up to the church, and when you are, you will come up; and you are just going to confess Christ boldly, are you not?” “Well,” says he, “I promised God when I was on what I thought to be my dying bed I would serve Him, and I made up my mind to be a Christian; but I am not going to be one just now. Next spring I am going over to Lake Michigan, and I am going to buy a farm and settle down, and then I am going to be a Christian.” I said, “How dare you talk that way! How do you know that you are going to live till next spring? Have you a lease of your life?“ “I was never better than I am now; I am a little weak, but I will soon have my strength. I have a fresh lease of my life, and will be well for a good many years yet,” he answered. I said: “It seems to me you are tempting God;” and I pleaded with him to come out boldly. “No,” he said; “the fact is I have not the courage to face my old companions, and I cannot serve God in Chicago.” I said “If God has not grace enough to keep you in Chicago, He has not in Michigan.” I urged him then and there to surrender his soul and body to the Lord Jesus; but the more I urged him the more irritated he got, till at last he said “Well, you need not trouble yourself any more about my soul; I will attend to that. If I am lost it will be my own fault. I will take the risk.”
I left him, and in about a week I got a message from his wife. Going to the house, I met her at the door weeping. I said: “What is the trouble?” “Oh, sir! I have just had a council of physicians here, and they have all given my husband up to die; they say he cannot live.” I said: “Does he want to see me?” She replied: “No.” “Why did you send?“ “Why,” she said, “I cannot bear to see him die in this terrible state of mind.” “What is his state of mind?” “Why, he says that his damnation is sealed, and he will be in hell in a little while.”
I went into the room, but he turned his head away. I said: “How is it with you?” Not a word; he was as silent as death. I spoke the second time, hut he made no response. I looked him in the face, and called him by name, and said “Will you not tell me how it is with you?” he turned, and fixed that awful, deathly look upon me, and, pointing to the stove, he said: “My heart is as hard as the iron in that stove; it is too late, my damnation is sealed, and I shall be in hell in a little while.” I said: “Don’t talk so; you can be saved now if you will.” He replied: “Don’t mock me I know better.” I talked with him, and quoted promise after promise, but he said not one was for him. “Christ has come knocking at time door of my heart many a time, and the last time he came I promised to let Him in; and when I got well I turned away again, and now I have to perish without Him. ”I talked, but I saw I was doing no good, and so I threw myself on my knees. He said: “You can pray for my wife and children, you need not pray for me; it is a waste of your time, it is too late. ”I tried to pray, but it seemed as if what he said was true - it seemed as if the heavens were brass over me. I rose and took his hand, amid it seemed to me as if I were bidding farewell to a friend that I never was to see again in time or eternity. He lingered till the sun went down. His wife told me that his end was terrible. All that he was heard to say were these fearful words: “The harvest is past, the summer is ended, and I am not saved. ”There he lay, and every little while he would take up the awful lamentation: “The harvest is past, the summer is ended, and I am not saved.” And just as the sun was sinking behind those western prairies he was going into the arms of death. As he was expiring, his wife noticed that his lips were quivering, he was trying to say something, and she reached over her ear, and all she could hear was “ The harvest is past, the summer is ended, and I am not saved;“ and the angels bore him to the judgment. He lived a Christless life, he died a Christless death, we wrapped him in a Christless shroud, nailed him in a Christless coffin, and bore him to a Christless grave. Oh, how dark! Oh, how sad! I may be speaking to some one today, and the harvest may be passing with you, the summer may be ending. Oh, be wise now, and accept the Lord Jesus Christ l May God’s blessing rest upon us all, and may we meet in glory, is the prayer of my heart!
- D.L. Moody.
Today at church, in one of those unplanned moments, a brother was asked to share with the congregation his testimony-in-process for healing of what doctors initially diagnosed just about two weeks ago to be a serious brain tumor that was also causing vision loss. He is a young man who attends with his wife and son and quite new to the congregation. He spoke for some time, going into the details of the past week arising out of this sudden condition. Then he said something that really made an impression on me: “I always knew God loved me, but now I really KNOW God loves me, with the way that the members of this church prayed for me, and called to check on me.”
‘Wow,’ I thought. ‘The way Christians were there for him (phone calls with about three persons actually) made that much of an impression? Wow.’
Isn’t it something how he translated this directly back to God’s love for Him? Although we certainly can’t project upon our relationship with God the way that all professing Christians treat us, there’s a lot to be learned from that about the results of actually walking in love towards other believers, especially those young in the faith.
I have a feeling that his statement impacted a lot of others just as much as it did me today.
p.s. By the way, after having the MRI scans and seeing the specialist, they didn’t find any tumors!
I have totally messed up my natural sleep cycle with late night reading, studying, and yes I admit, social hopping and hanging out online. Added to the fact that I’ve always believed I was a ‘night person,’ this has led to problems falling asleep over the past few months. Once I’m asleep I sleep soundly but it’s getting there that has been difficult. I corrected my poor sleep habits temporarily (it was fabulous) and then my discipline (I’d set an alarm to alert me when to go to bed) broke down and I found myself back at square one. Now that school is on my menu again, I know that if I don’t fix the problem and maintain good habits I won’t be able to study, focus, or remember things optimally. It even affects my spiritual life because I find myself less tuned in and more easily distracted when I’m in prayer or reading my bible - definitely not good.
Tonight I bought a small bottle of liquid melatonin and I’m expecting good results. If you don’t already know, melatonin supplements are generally safe and non-habit forming aids to bring the body’s melatonin levels up and help the body get ready for sleep. Melatonin is a naturally produced hormone in the pineal gland of the brain that regulates the body’s sleep cycle. Unlike sleeping pills which work to induce sleep, I prefer the fact that the liquid melatonin supplement can act quickly to help my body do its own job. I’ll be sure to share my experience and if you have used something similar, I’d be happy to hear how it’s been working for you!
“Hope is the thing with feathers
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all.” ~ Emily Dickinson
So much of the Christian life is about waiting.
Waiting on God.
Waiting for God.
Having a view of the promise of God, glimpses of things along the way, but having no blueprint about how to get there.
Faith. Yes.
But also Hope. And Love.
